Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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