i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
