Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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