Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
