I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
