forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
