I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
