It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
