I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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