My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
