i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
