Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
