I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
