Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
