Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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