Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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