Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
