How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
