i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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