A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize