How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
