I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize