Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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