Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Alive.
So much puke
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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