I just saw a hot homeless man
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
