also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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