he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
