Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize