If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
