id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He has the fingertips of a God
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