meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
