addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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