Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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