You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
