If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
