Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
