i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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