So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize