When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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