I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
