I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize