make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
