who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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