i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she told me i tasted like america
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
