sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
