lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
