we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
