I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The power of my boobs compel you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
