It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
