the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
