I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
