we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
