i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
