You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
