whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
