Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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