can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
