It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize