I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
