I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
