Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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