No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
