The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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