You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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