Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
