My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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