What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize