You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize