left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize