You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
