i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
