So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize