happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
