Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
