I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
