Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
