I accidentally had phone sex last night
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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