I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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