I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
