ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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