i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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